"My story was typical," Sex & Intimacy Coach Irene Fehr says describing her picture perfect marriage with her ex-husband. "We fell in love. Everything was wonderful in the beginning. We had amazing chemistry. We were the couple that everyone looked at and said, wow, we want to have what you’re having. It looked great from the outside but, on the inside, just by getting married, it didn’t make us experts in being married. It didn’t all of a sudden make us know each other and know how to make a relationship work, how to make love and sex work, how to negotiate, how to take care of each other’s emotional needs, how to even express our own emotional needs. So, the way I wasn’t living my own life was because I was performing. When it came to sex, what was I reading? I was reading Cosmo and the different tips and how a woman is supposed to be. I also grew up on shows like Friends who showed me you’re supposed to be nonchalant and easy about things. I couldn’t fathom this idea that I could actually ask a man to do something different. I was just on this receiving end of what came. Of course I felt powerless, like I wasn’t living my own life, because I had no agency."
Thus begins, Irene's rolling awakening from closed eyes to eyes wide open, from friction sex to connection sex. Together we discuss the need to know what we want in order to truly consent to anything in a deep way and how exactly it's possible to finish sex feeling more open, more confident, more relaxed, and filled up with pleasure rather than empty and wanting.
Chelsea Leigh Trescott:
Advice Column: https://www.huffpost.com